Scroll down to watch my video on vulnerability & overeating.
If you haven’t watched this video already it’s SO worth 21 minutes of your time.
Author, researcher and storyteller, Brene Brown explains why vulnerability (ie. allowing ourselves to experience all of who we are) is a necessary part of joy, happiness, gratitude, etc.
Many people (myself included) avoid being vulnerable like the plague.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable means allowing ourselves to feel ALL of our feelings, not just the pretty, shiny, feel-good, ones.
Because here’s the deal:
We cannot selectively numb out feelings. If you avoid and numb out uncomfortable, not-so good feeling feelings, you will also rob yourself of the awesome feelings.
Here’s what the cycle looks like for someone who avoids vulnerability:
- We do not allow ourselves to feel vulnerable (aka – avoid the hard feelings with all we’ve got)
- Because we cannot selectively numb out emotions we also rob ourselves of feeling the good emotions
- Results = we feel miserable (aka – vulnerable)
- EAT! Avoid, numb out, distract ourselves
I share this because it demonstrates that food/drinks/overeating is never the real problem. The food is merely a symptom. A messenger. An invitation to know ourselves on a deeper level.
The question is always WHAT is driving us to the eating? What are we feeling or not feeling? What would it take to be vulnerable? Are you willing to sit in the discomfort of an uncomfortable feeling in order to move through to a deeper sense of connection with yourself and your life?
In this video, I share my interpretation of Brene’s talk and how I believe it relates to eating.
This topic is SO interesting to me and I would love to hear all about your thoughts and/or experiences down in the comments below!
Annie says
WOW! thank you VERY much for this. I have already shared it with friends.
Dani says
Great! Love that!
Gaillery says
Dani, I watched and understand how this connects to my desire to eat. I have the worst time at night, when I’m alone in bed because my husband and I should really just get divorced. We haven’t slept together in almost 5 years. Mainly because he snores but also because I was in school getting a masters. I have this urge to find comfort. I’ve tried tea and honey for calming. A few times I’ve tried a half glass of wine. Now I understand I just have to deal with the feelings, not smother them with food. Thanks for posting this video. Love your blog.
Dani says
Glad to hear the post resonated with you. I know that sitting with the feelings is not always easy but trying to soothe them doesn’t make them go away, it just quiets them for a while. Sending you lots of love and support.
Rhonda says
Thanks for sharing this Dani. I have been following Brene for a while now, and she is spot on about the connections with how we numb out our not-so-good feelings and in the process numb out our good feelings as well. When we do these things, it is like bathing in lukewarm bath water–a miserable experience. Is it any wonder that people are so angry these days? Who wants to be miserable all of the time?
Thank you for sharing this TED talk. Brene also has a second TED talk as well on the subject of shame.
Mercedes says
I really loved this post. Thank you so much for sharing. In the past, in order to lose weight I would only focus on eating properly and working out. That’s a great start but I often failed to look at myself. I focused on the external contributions instead of the internal contributions like, my strong urge to not show vulnerability, numbing my feeling, etc. Now that I’m older, I know I need to work on all aspects of my life. I want to thank you for this post. It was really helpful. Your recipes are great and I am so happy I stumbled upon your recipes on Youtube…your channels/blogs/posts will forever change my life.
Janiel says
For a long time, I have been wondering why I am not happy. I can’t feel any excitement about anything. It’s because I’ve always tried to avoid and numb the bad feelings that I have and my vulnerability. It makes myself very miserable. Thanks Dani, now I know that I need to let my feelings out and allow myself to be emotional and vulnerable. Also, I try to distract the bad feelings but eating and snacking unhealthy. It’s just wrong.
victoria williams says
I love this idea it really resonates with me. I am most vulnerable when I am growing in my faith because a huge part of that is confessing who I am, what I’ve done and then being thankful for what I have, what has been given to me. Another huge aspect of this faith for me is knowing that I am worthy because Jesus died for me and made me worthy, even in my ugly. Hearing this talk and your video just reminded me to grow and connect with my God in a deeper way. Instead of avoiding myself in food, entertainment or elsewhere. Thank you