Day Eight: Project Investigation – Wanting vs. Needing
After one week of journaling my food and thoughts I am truly amazed at the things I have been uncovering about myself.
Here’s how my Sunday went (yes, I’m one day behind here!!).
133 – Isn’t that just so perfect? After my first week of journaling I’ve gained a pound.
6:30 coffee with half and half & a slice of Ezekiel toast with coconut oil
8:30am – 2 small pancakes and granola.
2pm – 1/2 turkey sammie, carrots & selery
6:30pm – Lots of veggies, kale, broccoli, salad with some chicken
7:30pm – 2 sqauers dark chocolate, small cup of popcorn
This was the BEST, lazy day ever. Was pouring rain here in LA and we all just hungout and did nothing. Lots of reading, journaling, snuggling, anf hanging. It was AH-mazing! Best. Day. Ever.
None. Unless you consider cuddling movement?
Went to sleep around 10pm and woke at 6:30 – that was a great nights sleep!
After my AHA the other day, I realized after writing it out, I seemed to be running in circles a bit.
Here’s what I wrote:
After writing out MY WHY and getting really clear on the fact that I am after a feeling and not a look, I realized that on some level I still believed that I wanted to create the feeling in order to create the look? Does that make sense?
In some corner of my brain I was still holding on the idea that the ‘look’ is what I was after.
Ok- SO when I went to the gym today, the first thing my trainer said was, “Wait, so I don’t get the last post you wrote. Do you want the look or don’t you want the look?”
I had to laugh, b/c I know my AHA post was kind of running in one big circle. So let me clarify….
What I was trying to say was this: I realized that I was giving all the (my) power to the look.
In some corner of my brain (and this was pretty unconcious) I believed the look would make me better. More valauble. More worthy.
This realization made me feel much less ‘desperate’ to achieve the look because I was no longer defining my personal value based upon achieving or not achiveing a physical apperance.
Does that make sense?
It’s the difference between needing something b/c you think on some level it will make you better, happier, etc AND wanting something simply because you like it and would enjoy it.
Now with that being said, YES… I would still LOVE the look.
But not because it would make me any more or less valuable as a human being but simply because I would enjoy it!
Just like I would a new pair of boots.