Day Six: Project Investigation – My AHA!
You may have noticed that day 5 never made it up. I had it all typed up and ready to publish when my server crashed last night. Everything has been fixed but I lost the original entry and have no desire to re write it.
Thanks to this journal and the amazing teachings of Brooke Castillo, my brain is making some really cool shifts.
132.5 – no change. no thoughts. (BTW – it was also the same yesterday)
5:00am – coffee with half and half & kiss of maple syrup
6:00am – slice Ezekiel toast topped with almond butter, greek yogurt, and sliced bananas
8:00am – WORKOUT
9:30am – Bite-sized veggie lettuce wraps for Whole Foods (new discovery – so good! – but did not hold me over after my workout, I suspect I needed a little more protein).
10:30 2spelt cakes with almond butter and greek yogurt on top
1:30 – Half turkey sammie on Ezekiel bread with dates and provolone (AH-mazing) – 8 chocolate covered almonds
7pm – 2 turkey tacos (need to share this recipe) with guacamole and baked chips. 1 skinny girl margarita (love Bethenny & love her margaritas)
Definitely more hungry the first half of the day. Also – at lunch I rubbed a raw garlic clove on bread as soon as it came out of the toaster (to infuse a little flavor) and what I have suspected in the past is now officially confirmed: raw garlic makes me crave chocolate. I know this sounds crazy, but for me, it is true! Anyone else have this garlic/chocolate thing?
Worked out with my trainer today – we spent the entire hour doing a program to open up my hips. It worked. Feel great.
REST: (I’ve been wanting to add this in but keep forgetting)
Went to bed at 9:30 was up at 4am to breastfeed and decided to stay up to get some stuff done b/f the household woke up. I don’t do this often but when the inspiration hits, I go with it. On this particular day – I was well rested.
I had a big aha! today.
Ever since beginning my 12-week journal here, I’ve realized that I don’t really want what I keep thinking I want.
After writing out MY WHY and getting really clear on the fact that I am after a feeling and not a look, I realized that on some level I still believed that I wanted to create the feeling in order to create the look? Does that make sense?
In some corner of my brain I was still holding on the idea that the ‘look’ is what I was after. (READ UPDATE ON THIS THOUGHT HERE).
But what I am really learning about myself is that when I am in a place of self-love and acceptance – focusing on things that make ME feel good and that feel true for me – I don’t really have any desire to do things that I keep thinking I need to do to achieve the look.
So, for instance… I have no desire to eat according to a clock. I don’t want to plan and prep all my meals. I don’t want to have to jump on a treadmill and workout a certain level of intensity, I don’t want to give up alcohol, I don’t want to eat veggies at every meal…. (at least not at this point in my life) do see where I’m going with this?
[side note - *From here I think it will be really important to list out the things I do want to do and am willing to do to be healthy and feel good - that will be in my next post.]
All of these choices are available to to me, but as I take the time to connect with myself and my body, I can see that these are not options I choose to take. Simply because they don’t feel right for ME right now.
Now here’s the TURN AROUND: For the longest time, I’ve been making this to mean that there is something wrong with me! That if I didn’t learn to eat like “this” and workout like “that” that, I was somehow doing it wrong and inherently broken. Clearly, not a good feeling to have!
Now I see that the only way to know if a certain style of eating or exercise is right for anyone person is to simply ask yourself this:
Does what you are doing make you feel more connected to yourself?
If the answer is yes, then the choices you are making are the perfect choices for YOU.
If the answer is no then all it means is that they are NOT the choices for YOU – and there are better options available if you just take the time to learn them – in other words, get curious with yourself.
It means absolutely nothing else.
There’s no right.
There’s no wrong.
And we’re all freakin’ awesome!